The Funniest People in Neighborhoods: 250 Anecdotes

This is a short, quick, and easy read.

Some Sample Anecdotes:

- During a long-distance telephone call, choreographer Agnes de Mille told her soldier husband, Walter Prude, that she was pregnant: "We're having a baby!" He managed to say, "Good God, are you sure!" before they were disconnected - telephone service during World War II was not as good as it is today. Twenty-five minutes later, they were reconnected, and Agnes asked, "Are you all right? Have you something to drink?" Walter replied, "A bottle of Scotch. I'm well along in it."

- TV's Mister Rogers was a rambunctious kid. Whenever he was attempting to walk on a stone wall at his grandparents' farm and his mother or grandmother would try to stop him, his grandfather, who was named Fred McFeely, would tell them, "Let the kid walk on the wall. He's got to learn to do things for himself." Mister Rogers loved his grandfather, and in his TV "neighborhood," one of the characters was a lively old deliveryman named Mr. McFeely.

- When telephone psychic Dougall Fraser was working for the Psychic Friends Network, a woman who called herself Champagne called him every morning at 11 a.m. to ask such questions as "When is my husband getting out of jail?" and "When am I getting my welfare check?" Finally, Mr. Fraser could stand it no longer and told her, "Champagne, the next time you want to call me, I want you to take $50, open a window, and throw it out. Because that's what you're doing every day. It is a complete waste of your money." She slammed down the telephone receiver and never called him again.

- W.C. Fields, Jr., neither smoked nor drank, unlike his famous father. Why not? His mother had made him promise that he would not smoke or drink until he was 20 years old, and when he reached that age, he discovered that he did not want to smoke or drink.

- Rabbi Morris N. Kertzer once officiated at a wedding of elderly people. The 76-year-old groom, whose best man was his grandson, was hard of hearing, and in the middle of the ceremony he thought the blessing was over so he gave his 69-year-old bride a passionate kiss. The grandson whispered to Rabbi Kertzer that to people as old as the groom and bride, time was precious.