Opening Our Minds: avoiding abusive relationships and authoritarian groups

The most precious and personal part of every person is his or her own mind. No one else ever sees it, or knows exactly what it is thinking or feeling. It is our most sacred possession because it houses our innermost identity. It defines for us precisely who we are, and who we are not. We can hide the truth from others, but not from ourselves. Or so we think.

But our mind, like our body, needs nourishment. Other people feed our mind with thoughts, suggestions, comments and ideas. We choose which ones to accept and which ones to reject. And we feel confident that we are good at doing so. But are we?

To be good at protecting our minds we must be familiar with the tactics and strategies that may be used by others to outmaneuver our natural protections and defenses. You can see a punch coming, but not a carefully crafted lie or manipulation strategy, unless you are trained to look.

The greatest threat to the autonomy of our mind is from people who seek to influence it for their own best interests, but present themselves as our friends and helpers. Every one of us has great confidence in our ability to protect ourselves from other people acting in ways that would harm our own best interests. We have faith that we have a strong mind, have good "crap detectors" and are not easily influenced. I call this "The Myth of the Unmalleable Mind." As kids are fond of saying, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." But they can.