Have you found your soulmate yet? Do you recall that special moment when your eyes first met?

Sigh... I don't

What I do remember is facing off against a feisty chipmunk who wanted fertility assistance, the Spirits of the Damned trying to infiltrate my home, and going six-rounds with a colossal wolf spider - topless. If that's not enough, I'm still left to contend with the contaminated dating pool where I'm drowning in shallow, frigid water.

So what exactly do a guy who I'd swear was a cannibal, a grown man dressed like a banana, and the proudly self-proclaimed "Beat Your Meat Specialist" have in common? Spoiler alert: they have all somehow managed to find me, despite my efforts to hide in a hole under my porch from this dating dumpster fire.

Just when you thought one woman's savage search for a soulmate couldn't possibly offer any more insanity, I bring you Confessions II. More dating mishaps and silly life scenarios, more off-the-wall girl chat, more naughty sexploits... but still the same number of suitable prospects. (That number was zero in case you've forgotten.)

*Mature Content